Are you feeling guilt for having not done something to prevent your loved one from dying? This does not happen to everyone who has lost their beloved. Guilt may take forms like failure to notice how serious a person was, failure to make regular visits or even letting one suffer in the hand of unqualified professions. Grief comes in many colors.
Here are some suggestions on how you can deal with guilt when mourning your loved one.
- Never forget: We normally tend to evaluate the state in which our loved ones was time at the time of death. Some circumstances are not created by anyone, but we tend to blame ourselves for things that did not go well.
- Neurotic guilt: We tend to torment ourselves with the thoughts that there is something we could have done to avoid death. Questions like ‘why was I not the one who died instead of him or her?’ are common. This should never be the case because death was to strike at anyone.
- Actions from the past: In some cases, there are those things that probably happened in the past and if they tend to happen again in the present, one would take it as a form of blame.
- Guilt of doing something that you already know that it is wrong. It is because of rationality that we still have stable societies. The kind of guilt that emanates from that makes us blame ourselves for a long time.
- Learn to separate shame from guilt. Shame may be caused by the kind of death that has occurred like suicide or drug abuse. You are never responsible for such kind of situations and death was to occur in the end.
- You should evaluate whether your behavior was deliberate. It is not possible for you to be everywhere and prevent things from happening. In fact, death is not predictable so it is never your fault.
- Imagine yourself as a counselor who is helping a person deal with a situation. Counselors do not blame anyone; they try to solve issues so you should also treat yourself the same way.
For more on dealing with grief, visit Dr. Christina Hibbert’s Website: http://drchristinahibbert.com
and her Kindle Book on Grief and self worth